Airplane!

After a great trip this weekend to Chicago, I want to reflect on a few things that cross my mind when flying.

1 - I love riding in an airplane. LOVE it. I think taking off is the closest most ordinary people get to an otherworldly experience. I should've been a pilot, John Travolta had the right idea. But he probably decided to fly for the little pilot's cap alone.

2 - Why does most luggage have to be so boring and similar? I want the balls to get a custom suitcase with a big design of naked, sexy Donald Duck on it. That way when it comes around on the conveyor belt it will be a beacon in a sea of boring maroons and navy blues. Then I can confidently declare in front of a crowd of shocked passengers - "that one's mine!" I pick it up, shoot a knowing glance at a gawking & shocked elderly man and roll on about my business.

3 - I always think of my favorite memory of flying with my family. My mom, my dad and I were coming back from Florida (where else?) and getting close to DC. The plane had started its descent and we were going over the Potomac River bridge we are all so familiar with. The same bridge my mom would cross into Virginia for cheap cigarettes and gas. It was very close to our house and my mom was very excited to have spotted it first. I was on the aisle, my dad in the middle and my mom pointed next to the window.

My mom: "Look, Mike! The Potomac River bridge!" My dad leaned over slowly, (his only adverb).

My mom: "...MIKE look DOWN, why are you looking UP!?"

Isn't she lovely? ...well??

The gorgeous women vying for Miss USA have released some "scandalous" sexy pictures.

It's so shocking! Who would've ever thought of these women as being super sexy? I watch the pageants to hear what they have to say about world affairs, not to see their bodies float across a stage in high heels and a bikini!

Anyway, the more interesting thing I found on the site was not so much the sexy pictures, but that the public is now able to rate these women online.

5 stars = perfection and it goes all the way down to 1 star which probably = bridge troll.

The crazy thing is that not one of the 51 girls (DC's included) got more than 3 stars as an average rating.

I would be interested to see the people rating them. I'm sure they are beyond perfect. Like angels sitting at a computer screen, opening their sparkling eyes to cast judgment on these many women who do not compare to their almost painful attractiveness. They don't even have to click for their rating, they simply look at the mouse and their beauty takes control to click for them.

If these beauties are judged that harshly, I'd hate to think what people would say about the rest of us average harpies. There's not enough negative stars in the world for those ratings!

http://www.missuniverse.com/missusa/members/profile/445075

wind

Here's a fun fact that I have learned rings true more and more each day -
Mother nature doesn't give a SHIT about our plans, wants and needs.

I think we are taught from an early age that there is an inherent justice owed to us all. But that's wrong. Nobody should've promised us that life would be easy or just. The fact is that for some people life is a breeze for the most part, and a knock-down drag-out bitch for others. The only thing that exists that is fair is the occasional promise we might make to one another, allegiances made in moments when we can't see past the tips of our noses.

This all came to me in a giant helping yesterday.

I was walking to the Dupont Circle metro station on a very beautiful DC late afternoon when I encountered a problem. I was wearing a billowy skirt. It was breezy. No, windy. My beautiful afternoon walk was abruptly interrupted with the worry of holding my skirt down. I liken mother nature to a passive aggressive boss.

Me - Hey, mother nature? It's Jenna.
MN - Sorry, who?
Me - Jenna from Bethesda.
MN - I'm sorry, I don't know you. I am a big entity, you don't matter.
Me - Sure, I understand. Look, I'm wearing a skirt today, I was wondering if you could tone down the breeze a little bit.
MN - Wow, that's nice, but, I'm mother nature and I've got pollen to blow and it's going to be fucking windy.
Me - But, mother nature, it'll be embarrassing if passersby see my underwear.
MN - Not. My. Problem.

Luckily, by some stroke of grace my skirt stayed down, but not without some stress and care on my part.

It's a frustrating thing to try to bargain with world forces. When we're told that life should be fair and it's not, it's disappointing. And what is fair, exactly? Growing up poor and then experiencing upward mobility after going to college? Wanting desperately to have a child when you're sterile and magically becoming pregnant? Being born a privileged white girl with a middle class family in the rich state of Maryland and still whining? Wearing a skirt and wanting it to stay down so that nobody sees your grandmotherly underwear? I don't know.

All I'm saying is the concept of fairness is a hard one to rid from your mind, and I realized this yesterday, thanks to the wind.

image from weheartit.com

Yahoo's Dating Tips

Thank god. Yahoo has explained it all for me. Apparently, as a [smart] woman, I keep making all of these [stupid] dating mistakes [that men do not make].

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says.
It's hard for us women to contain ourselves when a new man floats into our lives. But if we want to keep these slick little angelfish from swimming to someone else, we must stay away from them. Let them swim to us by making them think we don't want them. We can always catch other fish, we don't need the angelfish. [get it? other fish in the sea hardy fucking har]

Inserted halfway through the article is this linked message:
"Related: 25 Things That Keep Him Hooked and Happy"
Because, for the love of god, girls, once we have one we have got to do everything in our power to keep him! And we are also responsible for his happiness and thus, his fidelity.

Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Ladies, stop feeling so bad about the fact that you're single [even though you shouldn't be]. You don't need a man to be happy [yes you do], isn't that what every movie and book tells you all the time? [No it's not] That's why every movie ends with the girl shirking the idea that she needs a husband or boyfriend to be happy and goes off into the sunset by herself [Bridget Jones, Muriel's Wedding, 10 things I hate about you, etc.].

Most single women know how much fun it is to have their relatives ask them if there's anyone "special" in their lives, and then lamenting when you say "no." Aaww, you're too great to be by yourself, you'll find that perfect guy soon. But women never let this bother us, because we are constantly being reassured by society that it is okay to be single, so why would we ever feel sorry for ourselves?

Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.
Take it from the sexy guy from the Sex and the City Movie - this is simple enough, no man wants to date a slut. Plus, women get so attached as soon as they have sex with a guy. I can remember this time that I had sex with this guy and as I was doing it I pictured us at our wedding. When he lifted my veil in this fantasy I had an orgasm. [I lie]

Men, on the other hand, never become attached as a result of having sex with someone. Feelings and sex never go together for men, never. [not true] That is why they can have as much sex as humanly possible with many women and not even blink. But when they're looking for that special woman to settle down with, they will look to the girl who hasn't had a lot of sex. Maybe even a girl who doesn't know what a penis looks like. Inexperience is such a turn-on for them, who knows, maybe she won't know which hole it goes in. Silly, virginal women!

Another strategic link insert - See our tips: 12 Things Guys Wish You Knew in Bed
Learn everything you need to know about how to please a man, but don't practice it with too many men. You shouldn't get too good at it because no man wants a whore.

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship
Women are notorious for thinking only of themselves. We never make enough sacrifices in relationships or life. When we want something we don't compromise, we just go after it. Like with careers, for example. Kids, be damned! I'm going to work! Your father can make all the arrangements for you while I'm on my business trips around the country. Maybe I'll have a few affairs while I'm gone, but, hey, that's my business.

Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart
Men have it all together. Just do what they do when it comes to dating and we'll be fine.

Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.
Good of you to remind me because I'm usually not thankful for anything. And if I'm in a relationship I need to thank my lucky stars for every day that passes that a man has decided to put up with me for an undisclosed amount of time. I could increase my chances of making that a longer amount of time by thanking him.


I feel so enlightened. I tried to make my own cheat sheet to print out but I couldn't get the whole article down to one page. It's probably because I'm a woman and I'm so bad with technology. Hopefully Yahoo will come out with a how-to for women and technology-related tasks. But knowing technology isn't going to get me closer to getting married, so that article wouldn't be worth reading.

Oh! And there were also a number of additional suggested readings at the end of the article -

More from Glamour:

* 10 Things He’s Thinking When You’re Naked
* 8 Sex Moves Every Woman Should Try Once
* Why He Hasn’t Proposed (Yet)
* The Fastest Way to Create Sparks with Your Boyfriend

I'll tell you the fastest way to create sparks with your boyfriend! Light a stick of dynamite and toss it to him, he'll toss it back and then you'll toss it back at him again. It could be like a relationship bonding experience that could bring you closer together [but also, possibly, further apart].

Read more gemstonery here.

solitude and leadership

My boss, the venerable Bill Shore, forwarded one of the most phenomenal speeches I've read in a while. Not that I'm reading 100 speeches a day or anything. It's titled Solitude and Leadership by William Deresiewicz. It was delivered to the plebe class of the US Military Academy at West Point last year.

It was long, and that's always hard for me, especially if I'm reading it online. My attention wanders to other tabs at least several times every few minutes. For example, while typing this post I remembered I had to buy tickets to the New Pornographers show. So what did I do? Bounced over to Facebook to get the link to the website to purchase the tickets and the rest is history.

One of the ideas I got out of it was the concept of trying to quiet all the noise of Twitter, Facebook and everything else (Blogger, perhaps?). It's gotten so hard to focus on one thing at a time. To concentrate and dedicate our energy into one task at a time. Even as I type this I'm thinking of all the things I have to do today, the plans I have for next week, etc. This guy ain't kidding...

The main theme, of course, as the title would indicate, is the idea of pairing solitude and leadership. Sometimes, when something matters to you, a principle, a belief, you have to be the lone champion. You have to become okay with criticism. You really have to find a way to allow yourself to continue when everybody thinks you're crazy. Radical ideas are sometimes just new ideas that people can't process yet. Of course the Tea Party goers might say this and that doesn't lend much credence to my defense. But, to help me out, here's another example, my ties to feminism puts a wedge between me and some of my friends, sometimes. Many of my friends would argue that women have arrived. They arrived back in 1920 when we got the right to vote and we should've shut up a long time ago. But I'm not going to let their criticism keep me from arguing otherwise. I have to become comfortable with not always agreeing with everyone I'm friends with.

The speech was an eye opener, to say the least. I love these little bits of inspiration that float my way. They keep me going.

Read the speech here.

immigrant discrimination

I can remember a time when I was adamantly against the "dirty Mexicans" who were taking over "our" country. It is not a time I'm proud of, but I will admit that in my ignorance, and in a voice that wasn't my own, I shunned and criticized a group of people I did not know or understand. Where did this voice come from? Was it my parents? My peers? Either way, it was decidedly hateful and with no knowledge to back it up - that's the scary part.

It wasn't until I graduated from high school and went on to college that I learned more about my "enemies."

I started working at a real estate office part time during my time in school. It was like the United Nations of real estate in many ways, as I met people from all over the world, Ghana, Nigeria, the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Columbia, Peru...

I became especially close with one Peruvian girl in the office. We talked and laughed about everything, thus my feelings regarding Latinos, Hispanics, etc. began to soften in a major way. Then one day she told me her story of coming to the U.S. Her parents left her and her brother, both around the ages of 8 or 9 at the time, with a relative. And on their own, they came to the U.S. to carve out a life for the family. It was not out of greed that her parents decided to go north, but out of necessity. Peru at that time was being run by a military dictatorship, fraught with corruption which crushed civil liberties. They didn't leave because they wanted to, they left because they felt that had to.

Her parents spent several years working as much as they could, and saving for the opportunity to bring my friend and her brother up north to join them. She spoke to her mom, as much as she could, over the phone. She paused as she began to explain the time that she told her mother she had gotten her period. I could tell she wanted to cry, and it took her some time to continue. Her mother was so overcome with the fact that she could not be there for her daughter during this milestone. Her mother knew that the years of childhood she missed could never be brought back, she couldn't stop time from bringing her daughter and eventually her son, too, into adulthood.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Never in my sheltered existence had I thought of a situation so desperate and difficult within a family. My feelings regarding "Mexicans" and immigrants would never be the same.

This was the first time I saw immigrants as humans, as families, as people who are fighting for happiness just like everyone else. But, due to the hand they were dealt, they have to fight harder. They have to travel further, they have to endure more.

That is why it is so frustrating for me to listen when I hear Americans belittle their struggles. For a country that has done a pretty good job of taking what is not ours, (hello, Native Americans), we certainly have a lot to say when other people want in on the American dream.

In an article on Yahoo! regarding Obama's promise to reform immigration, the comments flood in from all over, many negative.

Strange to think that being born in this country instills the right to guard it from all enemies, real or imagined. And we can do so in our own broken and abhorrent English:

Jim C says: You want result! pack the Illegal criminals in busses and take them back where they came from!!

Jack M says: At the least learn and speak english, pay a big fine, and go to the back of the line.

I could give these comments to the immigrant students in my English class to correct. "At the least" they would know how to spell "buses" correctly.


I think if we really want results we should get to know the people who are working to make our lives easier, at McDonald's, cleaning our offices, our homes, doing our gardening, taking care of our children and much, much more. Maybe then we could see them as people who really just want what we want, to be happy.


Source http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100319/ap_on_bi_ge/us_obama_immigration

the art of using the bathroom

I might start a new Facebook group:

"I know you're waiting for me to leave the bathroom so you can poop"

We've all been there, haven't we? Silence in the bathroom when you know someone else is in the next stall. You've already walked in, closed the stall, peed, and now you're washing your hands and you haven't heard a cricket's fart from your clandestine stallmate.

When you're the one who doesn't have to #2, you're left with the uncomfortable task of hurrying yourself along at lightning speed to give this person some privacy.

But really, come on, we're both adults here. Don't be afraid. Let's talk about this right now, or, better yet, feel free to unload. I know you have to poop, you can't fool me.