wisdom from mom

After pulling a muscle in my neck, my mom gave me some Icy Hot and let me know what I should expect:

Staring me dead in the eyes, serious as a heart attack:

"Now, Jenna, it's going to go on and feel cold at first, but then it gets hot."

PUBIC, Ted.

Speaking of pubic hair, here is a great gchat I had with a friend the other day. Be warned, it's not for the faint of heart. It's graphic. Don't read it if you don't like reading about people talking about pubic hair.

Me: i was thinking of pubes the other day
at what point do they stop growing and go away?
what if u have 1 rogue hair that grows down to ur knees?
can that happen?
i bet it already has

Friend: i have no idea
haha
the longest mine have ever been never got that long
but those babies can bush up

me: right
they can disguise their length by curling up tightly
sneaky
i picture pubes like little cartoon characters rooting for one another to grow longer

Friend: of course you do

me: how do u picture ur pubes?

Friend: as they really are
they are looking to invade really
not looking for length but square footage
haha

me: they want to explore the studio space

Friend: they're always trying to invade other adjoining areas

me: hahahahaha!!!!!
now i'm picturing ur pubes dressed in old fashioned civil war uniforms with guns & bayonets

Friend: oh god
i picture them more like ninja assassins
or in a militaristic like coups

me: come on men!!! *collective cry while charging* byaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

Friend: CHARGE!!!!
what would they be fighting?
my upper thighs and butt crack?

me: less noticeable leg and abdomen hair
there, men!!
get into the crevasse!!!!!

public hair

Remembering Middle School gym class during the sexual education portion of the year...


Ted (dingbat middle school student): Mr. Rhodes! Mr. Rhodes! There's a typo in this book. Shouldn't it say "PUBLIC" hair?

Mr. Rhodes (in requisite gym teacher purple swishy track suit): No. It's PUBIC, Ted.


Thank you, Meagan, for these memories.