creepy old men

A friend of mine went to a bar last weekend. She is single and lovely. Someone put something in her drink. She ended up in the hospital. Fortunately she was with her friends who acted quickly and took her to help. She said she suspected it was a creepy old man who was hanging out around her and her group for part of the night. She vaguely remembered him sitting next to her on a bench outside after she had been drugged and fled the bar to find a place to lie down. She knew something was wrong after she got the urge to lie down at the bar and she was right, she had been drugged.

The scary thing is that these guys aren't like vampires that only come out at night. Their official daytime job title isn't "Creepy Old Man" unless they're always movie extras in Rob Zombie films. They are "normal" guys with "normal" jobs. Presumably they interact with women every day on a regular basis. And yet their respect for women as fellow human beings is so low that they can attempt these types of stunts on the weekends and not let that affect their weekly routine.

You can say this is a one-off thing and that these men are rare, but I wonder. If they're guaranteed to get away with something like this, what would keep them from doing it? I'd say it'd be pretty safe to assume it wouldn't be respect for women.

be careful

Be careful!
Take care of yourself!
Be safe!

I know these are all well-intentioned warnings and I hear them all the time when I go out for the night or for a trip from people I love and who I know care about me. But lately I've started to wonder if maybe these phrases of advice are traps for women. We often find ourselves in damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't situations, maybe this is another one of those, albeit a subliminal one.

Maybe this seems extreme, but let me explain myself.

As a woman, there are many things to consider when you leave the house.

Where are you going? What are you wearing? Who will be there? Is the area safe?

We carry the burden of the expectation of knowing the answers to all of these questions and more when we leave our front door. So if we leave unprepared and something bad happens, it becomes our fault. The world is dangerous. Men are dangerous. This is understood. We should have known better. We shouldn't have worn that. We shouldn't have been out alone that late. We shouldn't have...

Let's look at 2 situations -
Situation 1 - A girl is going to a party where she doesn't really know anyone. She goes and ends up drinking a lot and passes out. She is raped. Is it her fault?

Situation 2 - A girl is going to a party where she doesn't really know anyone. She drinks one drink and starts talking to a guy at the party for a long time. They go upstairs to make out. They are naked and almost ready to have sex. She changes her mind and says "No! I can't do this." The guy ignores her protest thinking she is playing hard-to-get. She is raped. Is it her fault?

I would venture to say many people would say "yes," it is her fault in both situations.

Two situations, one in which a woman loses control of her own body through being unconscious, another in which a woman is in coherent control of her own body but is taken advantage of anyhow.

When we tell women to be careful, when we give them numerous ways of protecting themselves, the proper way to hold your keys when walking alone so as to attack anyone who threatens you, anti-rape condoms, all of these things.

Do they help women? Sure. But we are missing the point.

The responsibility of rape should not lie on the shoulders of women. By constantly warning women we are simultaneously excusing men. It allows people to ask when terrible things happen to women "why did she stay with him if he was abusing her?" "what was she wearing?" "why did she drink so much?" "why did she go alone?"
Instead of asking the most important fucking question of all, why did he do that to her?

We need to stop the issue of sexual violence at the source, not just treat the symptoms.

I'm not saying that women should drop their inhibitions at all times. Clearly we are not there yet and I doubt any society could ever be there, for men or women. But I do think we absolutely need to start giving these warnings and suggestions to men instead of just women.

Be careful of your actions towards women, don't take advantage of them.
Take care of yourself and the people around you.
Be safe and aware of how you treat other people.

just asking for it?

i’m still not quite sure how people can manage to blame women for rape time and time again.

when a woman is raped, i think the last thing we should be asking is - how much did she have to drink? who was she with? what was she wearing? that has nothing to do with it.

a man can rape me if i’m wearing a burka or fish nets and a bra - it’s still rape, and it’s still his fault.

maybe we should stop trying to protect men from false accusations and start protecting women from a lifetime of fear [and false accusations].

casey affleck is a spanker

I saw this trailer very recently, it's for the movie "The Killer Inside Me," starring Casey Affleck and Jessica Alba.



The movie takes place in what seems to be a town in western America during what I would approximate to be the 1950s or 60s. Casey Affleck plays a cop. This is the perfect setting and role for him because he can really showcase his mumbled and confusing voice with a southern drawl.

The most jarring part of this movie, though, doesn't seem to be Affleck's voice. It's actually the bondage/rape-turned-sexy scene.

This is one of those films that will just reinforce the growing idea that women really do like to be pushed around when it comes to sex. All you have to do is hit them hard enough and they will snap out of their whining and realize how much they really want it.

Pretty disturbing thought, huh? And they say rape has nothing to do with sex...

warning - disturbing

So porn can be pretty bad stuff. I don't know if you noticed.

I am deeply disturbed by this. So much for looking for porn a woman can enjoy. A majority of what you come across in the internet porn world involves embarrassing, shaming, humiliating, shitting on, and otherwise, annihilating women. And take a closer look at the image above - this is what women deserve. I could put my fist through my computer right now.

We wonder why our culture is so perversely obsessed with shaming women. We wonder why so many "normal" men rape women. Well, it's because that's what women really want. Jesus Christ that's disgusting.

It's funny, because early today I was reading about a report from the Daily Mail stating the unlikeliness of women being raped - rather, it's their willing submission to the effects of alcohol:

Dr Adam Burgess, from the University of Kent school of social policy, said rumours about the prevalence of date-rape drugs were little more than an urban myth.

This led young women to underestimate real risks of alcohol misuse, which can include impaired judgment putting them at risk of sexual assault.

'The reason why fear of drink-spiking has become widespread seems to be a mix of it being more convenient to guard against than the effects of alcohol itself and the fact that such stories are exotic - like a more adult version of "stranger danger".'

Once again, somehow, this is our fault. Deluded with false hopes of a dangerous and exotic experience with a man we don't know, we consume alcohol in the hopes of being taken advantage of. It has nothing to do with being surrounded by men who smile upon these convenient situations. The men have nothing to do with this at all. In fact, we would probably find a way to rape ourselves if we could, just to get the experience we shamefully and secretly hope for. WHAT?

It's these images, and these reports that reinforce the mistreatment and degradation of women. Period.

where do i begin?

Every so often, when the subject of feminism, or women's rights comes up among my friends and I, there is some cringing. Most of my male friends are aware of my stance on women's rights, and, though they may not say it out loud, (all the time), I believe they think I'm full of a lot of hot air. Women have it way better now, I don't know what the big deal is. You can't hate all men (because that's what feminism is about, right?). I'd like to direct your attention to the movie in the picture. Though it pains me to have to promote this movie in an effort to get my point across, fuck it, it'll feel good to ream the hell out of this misogynistic bag of SHIT.

The opening sequence of the trailer begins with a girl, in a bar, kneeling in front of a turtle's tank (what this is doing in a bar, I'm not totally sure). The lead male character, Tucker Max, walks up beside her and kneels, too, asking her something along the lines of "what are you doing?" And she responds, smiling, "talking to the turtle." To which he says "is he telling you to kill that fat chick behind us, cause that's what he's telling me." The camera then pans over to an overweight girl sitting at the bar. The turtle girl stands up and walks away in agitation as Tucker calls to her "what?! Fat girls aren't real people!"

The movie is a cornucopia of slams against strippers, whores, ugly girls, pretty girls, fat girls, virgins, sluts. Basically, if you have a vagina, you are a target. I am not even mentioning, and haven't the time to detail all of the racist remarks regarding black people and Mexicans.

Protesters have popped up across the country against this movie. Women, men and everyone in between seem to have issues with the themes in this movie. But, in a Q&A session of the screening of the movie in Raleigh, NC, Max pleads an excellent case when he is asked to address the issue of rape culture:

“Fucking rape sucks, dude,” Max said. “It’s, like, not a joke, and I feel like [the protesters'] hearts are probably in the right place, to be honest. But I fell like they’re fucking it up, man, because what they’re doing is really kind of devaluing the seriousness of an actual crime. . . . Dude, I mean, the discussion about where consent lies and doesn’t lie is an important one, and should be had, but this is not the fucking forum. And, uh, and that’s never been an issue for me, so, I don’t know man, I feel like if that’s an issue to you, that’s great, and you should pursue it, but pursue it with the people who it needs to be pursued with. And not with me.”

It is nearly impossible to separate this man's beliefs with his actions. He may state in these conferences, his aversion to the mistreatment of women, but the quotes in his movie, (which is based on his autobiographical sexual accounts), do not seem to mirror this: “Get away from me or I’m going to carve a fuck hole in your torso.”

This is the type of ammunition many unstable, (and "stable"), young men are looking for right now. Not only is this movie being released and promoted in this country, this is an arena for men, (and women?), to not only watch the mistreatment of women, based on a true story, but also to openly laugh at these downright terrifying words against women.

The worst part is that this guy is not the only one out there, he was just fortunate enough to be able to write a successful blog, book, and now a movie and make a ridiculous amount of money off of being a dick to every woman he meets.