Monday, June 8, 2015


My nephew is 15 years old and full of sass.  There are few things that are as frightening to me as teenagers.  It is because they are ruthless and incredibly powerful.  And a teenager with sass?  Good luck getting a damn thing by them.  They also know every single flaw and secret you've been trying to hide from the world, and even from yourself.  Teenagers say out loud what the evil goblins in my head whisper to me.  My nephew knows exactly what to say to take me right back to my most crippling self conscious years of high school.

These are insults he's said as well as some that I anticipate him saying in the coming years prior to him turning 20.  He's got a good 5 teen years in him, his skill will only improve over time.  I have to give him credit, his execution is dynamite and his observations are pretty accurate.  I only have myself to blame, this is my comeuppance for teasing him so much when he was little.

"Look at that pimple, you didn't do a great job of covering that up, but clearly you tried."

"Nice pants, someone is trying something new and failing."

"Didn't you have braces twice in your life?  Why do your teeth still look bad?"

"Do you even floss?"

"How is your butt so big? Shouldn't you have a better fitting pair of pants?"

"Red is not your color."

"Shouldn't you be wearing more makeup now that you're getting older?"

"Your face really isn't symmetrical."