Friday, March 22, 2013

mr. hall

I caught up with my dad recently, it had been a while.  He didn't have the best news to share, but when he got past the bad news, he moved on to some light hearted chatting which was less like a dialogue between two people and more like a soliloquy/stream of conscious.  Here are some excerpts I managed to write down and remember.  The italicized parts are where I tried to contribute to what I thought was a conversation:

So how do you like your job?

I really enjoy it so far, a lot better than the last--

That's good.  You know, your sister is the nicest person in the world.  Do you remember that review her company did of her a few years back?  Where they said all those nice things about her?  Sometimes I get it out and read it because it makes me so happy.  I'm proud of all my kids, though.  You put yourself through the University of Maryland, that is a tremendous school, in the top 20, at least, I'd say.

Yeah, dad, actually I think for public universities they are number 18---

Their football team can't seem to make up their mind about their uniforms, though, all kinds of colors.  They're in the big 10 now, too.  They're doing that for the money, though.  Anyways, my minutes are running out, they don't reset until Saturday, so I should probably get off the phone here...

...I'm driving through Charleston right now.  There's a guy with a Redskin jersey walking down the street.  Fletcher jersey.  Line backer.  37 years old and still playing.  Amazing he's still playing.  He's played for like 17 years, he probably has 1 more year in him.  Yep.  RG3.  What a player.  They won their last 6 games or something because of him.  They would've beat the Eagles, too, if he wasn't injured.

Yeah, that shot of his knee in that game was awfu---

Well let me know when you plan on moving to DC.  Give me a call sometime soon.  Your dad's proud of you.  Love you.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

way to go, internet

I don't even know how the hell I found this, or where.  But I was cleaning out some computer folders and remembered that I saved this screenshot one day, because it tickled me so.  It's no huge discovery that any asshole in the world can make a website and dole out "facts" and "advice."  This is the internet's version of facts:

"The recent study" which was never named or explained, states that 1/3 of people drink alcohol.  (In the world?  In my apartment?  There are 2 people and 3 cats, so that...couldn't be true in our case, right?  And I can tell you right now, both humans and maybe one cat drink alcohol in our household)  Also, the people who like to drink alcohol are those ones from Europe and Russia.  Nowhere else in the world can there be likers of alcohol drinks.  This is because, laziness.  Bye.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

stay regular

I was scrolling through a WebMD slideshow about the importance of water, (what do you do for fun?), and one of the slides really caught me off guard.  Below is the picture they chose to symbolize "staying regular."  You know, pooping.

Way to spell it out for us, WebMD.  Jesus Christ.  Drink water so it can whoosh out of your colon!!