You brought me confusion beyond recognition.
You brought me wet toilet paper.
You brought me a jug-sized refill bottle of Softsoap sitting on the sink, with what appeared to be a pubic hair clinging to the top of it, to wash my hands in the bathroom.
What I'm trying to say is, thank you.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Nacho is a very funny Argentine guy who is married to my friend, Joanna. I met them both while I was there and I think they are great people and I can't wait for them to come back to the U.S. to live! Also, the first time I met Nacho he asked me if I was popular in high school. I liked him instantly.
Nacho has spent more than the first quarter of his life living in Argentina, so he will have a lot of catching up to do on all of the ridiculousness of U.S. pop culture. So I'm taking it upon myself to help him along and study up on the stuff that really matters when you're living in the U.S.: silly shit. I've decided to start with the 90s, specifically with 1990, because it is one of the most fun and a very essential decade for him to study up on ahead of time before he arrives. To give him a taste, I googled "1990" and these are the images that came up:
Here are a few key things you should remember about 1990 in the U.S. There's a lot, I couldn't give you all of it, and you probably wouldn't want me to anyway. Forgive me if you had some of this in Argentina, and if you haven't, you're welcome.
Beverly Hills, 90210 - Older sisters across the U.S. watched this show religiously, specifically mine. It's the epitome of 90's fashion.
That big doof Brian Austin Green is married to Megan Fox. So, you know, anything's possible in America.
If you haven't already, watch these great 90s classics:
Pretty Woman - Julia Roberts, prostitute, steals the heart of a rich business man, Richard Gere, becomes classy lady.
Dances with Wolves - Kevin Costner hanging out with Native Americans(?) To be honest, I have no idea what happens in that movie I just remember seeing pictures of Kevin Costner in big cloaks and feathers.
Ghost - Patrick Swayze dies, makes Demi Moore sad, Whoopi Goldberg is a medium who can speak to Patrick Swayze while he's dead.
Kindergarten Cop - You've been eating other people's lunches? STOP IT!
Who is ya daddy, and what does he do?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - I fucking LOVED them when I was little.
2 amazing one-hit wonders:
1. M.C. Hammer - U Can't Touch This - If you think this doesn't still come on my iPod a few times a month, you're WRONG. It does. THOSE PANTS!!!
Pay attention at 2:40 - I want to see you doing this at your wedding next month.
2. Vanilla Ice - Ice, ice baby -
That shit is on point. Also very similar to Queen & Bowie's "Under Pressure," right? He got sued for that.
I know you don't like rap very much, but you have to know LL Cool J. He licks his lips a lot and the ladies love it.
Paula Abdul - Opposites Attract -
Paula Abdul hangs out with a cartoon cat, or something, that can really dance. It's weird to think of them together, having sex. Try not to think about that when you watch this.
I'll let Joanna fill you in on anything I missed.
Hope you enjoyed 1990! See you in 1991!