Tuesday, July 31, 2012

detail oriented

When you're in an interview trying to put your best self forward, it's always important to be honest.  I thought that's what I was doing when I explained in my interview a few months ago that I'm not detail oriented.  That's my weakness.  Yes, I know, the one fucking thing companies look for, it's not my strength.  Did I follow up by saying that I was working on improving that weakness through a variety of tasks, giving examples such as A, B and C?  You bet your balls I did.  You can't just say "I suck" in an interview and not try to explain why.

But your weakness is still your weakness, even if you admit it and say you're working on it.  I mean, come on, even if Superman's at an interview and reveals his one weakness, you're probably not going to hire him to head the kryptonite plant, it's just poor judgement.

But, by some stroke of ridiculous dumb luck, Superman gets the job anyway!  Now should Superman have applied for that job in the first place?  Certainly not, but Superman really, really needed a job at the time because he was living with his mom in North Carolina and he didn't care where or how he got it, he just needed that job so get off my damn back!!

I mean, get off Superman's back.  Get off of Superman's back, please.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

better ways

I just saw the Dark Knight Rises.  I loved it.  But I have a question.  Are there better, more practical ways to ride a motorcycle?

Probably not.  I get it.  Anne Hathaway is hot.  Her body looks amazing in black leather, especially her ass.

But, for a minute, let's imagine Batman riding through Gotham City to kill bad guys and fight crime positioned like he's taking it doggystyle.  Capeless with puckered butt to the world.  Would that make sense?  Would we accept that?  Or would we say, "wait a minute, Batman.  Let's think this through.  Don't wear those heels, they make it harder for you to run.  Also, don't ride your motorcycle so sexually, there are probably better ways to do that, too."

Can we imagine that world?

Of course maybe Batman would just say, "nope, this is the best way, thanks."  As he sashays away in his heels.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

brown eyed sham

Brown eyes can be great.  They can be very dark and penetrating.  They can also be light and otherworldly.  Or they can be my eye color: shit stain.  For those of you who have been given the gift of shit stain colored eyes, use it with gloved caution.

Even though we all know the truth deep down, there are still some people out there who try to pretend like brown eyes are great.  This is all silly, feigned bullshit.  Who are we kidding?  Van Morrison is a HUGE culprit of this:

Slipping and sliding
All along the waterfall with you
My brown eyed girl
You my brown eyed girl.

Do you remember when we used to sing,
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da

I don't, actually.

Please forgive me, Van, but your sham song can kiss my brown eyed ass.

2:53 - bit by bit by bit by bit by bit by bit!