Monday, May 24, 2010

Airplane!


After a great trip this weekend to Chicago, I want to reflect on a few things that cross my mind when flying.

1 - I love riding in an airplane. LOVE it. I think taking off is the closest most ordinary people get to an otherworldly experience. I should've been a pilot, John Travolta had the right idea. But he probably decided to fly for the little pilot's cap alone.

2 - Why does most luggage have to be so boring and similar? I want the balls to get a custom suitcase with a big design of naked, sexy Donald Duck on it. That way when it comes around on the conveyor belt it will be a beacon in a sea of boring maroons and navy blues. Then I can confidently declare in front of a crowd of shocked passengers - "that one's mine!" I pick it up, shoot a knowing glance at a gawking & shocked elderly man and roll on about my business.

3 - I always think of my favorite memory of flying with my family. My mom, my dad and I were coming back from Florida (where else?) and getting close to DC. The plane had started its descent and we were going over the Potomac River bridge we are all so familiar with. The same bridge my mom would cross into Virginia for cheap cigarettes and gas. It was very close to our house and my mom was very excited to have spotted it first. I was on the aisle, my dad in the middle and my mom pointed next to the window.

My mom: "Look, Mike! The Potomac River bridge!" My dad leaned over slowly, (his only adverb).

My mom: "...MIKE look DOWN, why are you looking UP!?"

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Isn't she lovely? ...well??


The gorgeous women vying for Miss USA have released some "scandalous" sexy pictures.

It's so shocking! Who would've ever thought of these women as being super sexy? I watch the pageants to hear what they have to say about world affairs, not to see their bodies float across a stage in high heels and a bikini!

Anyway, the more interesting thing I found on the site was not so much the sexy pictures, but that the public is now able to rate these women online.

5 stars = perfection and it goes all the way down to 1 star which probably = bridge troll.

The crazy thing is that not one of the 51 girls (DC's included) got more than 3 stars as an average rating.

I would be interested to see the people rating them. I'm sure they are beyond perfect. Like angels sitting at a computer screen, opening their sparkling eyes to cast judgment on these many women who do not compare to their almost painful attractiveness. They don't even have to click for their rating, they simply look at the mouse and their beauty takes control to click for them.

If these beauties are judged that harshly, I'd hate to think what people would say about the rest of us average harpies. There's not enough negative stars in the world for those ratings!

http://www.missuniverse.com/missusa/members/profile/445075

Friday, May 7, 2010

wind


Here's a fun fact that I have learned rings true more and more each day -
Mother nature doesn't give a SHIT about our plans, wants and needs.

I think we are taught from an early age that there is an inherent justice owed to us all. But that's wrong. Nobody should've promised us that life would be easy or just. The fact is that for some people life is a breeze for the most part, and a knock-down drag-out bitch for others. The only thing that exists that is fair is the occasional promise we might make to one another, allegiances made in moments when we can't see past the tips of our noses.

This all came to me in a giant helping yesterday.

I was walking to the Dupont Circle metro station on a very beautiful DC late afternoon when I encountered a problem. I was wearing a billowy skirt. It was breezy. No, windy. My beautiful afternoon walk was abruptly interrupted with the worry of holding my skirt down. I liken mother nature to a passive aggressive boss.

Me - Hey, mother nature? It's Jenna.
MN - Sorry, who?
Me - Jenna from Bethesda.
MN - I'm sorry, I don't know you. I am a big entity, you don't matter.
Me - Sure, I understand. Look, I'm wearing a skirt today, I was wondering if you could tone down the breeze a little bit.
MN - Wow, that's nice, but, I'm mother nature and I've got pollen to blow and it's going to be fucking windy.
Me - But, mother nature, it'll be embarrassing if passersby see my underwear.
MN - Not. My. Problem.


Luckily, by some stroke of grace my skirt stayed down, but not without some stress and care on my part.

It's a frustrating thing to try to bargain with world forces. When we're told that life should be fair and it's not, it's disappointing. And what is fair, exactly? Growing up poor and then experiencing upward mobility after going to college? Wanting desperately to have a child when you're sterile and magically becoming pregnant? Being born a privileged white girl with a middle class family in the rich state of Maryland and still whining? Wearing a skirt and wanting it to stay down so that nobody sees your grandmotherly underwear? I don't know.

All I'm saying is the concept of fairness is a hard one to rid from your mind, and I realized this yesterday, thanks to the wind.

image from weheartit.com