Monday, April 19, 2010

Yahoo's Dating Tips

Thank god. Yahoo has explained it all for me. Apparently, as a [smart] woman, I keep making all of these [stupid] dating mistakes [that men do not make].

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says.

It's hard for us women to contain ourselves when a new man floats into our lives. But if we want to keep these slick little angelfish from swimming to someone else, we must stay away from them. Let them swim to us by making them think we don't want them. We can always catch other fish, we don't need the angelfish. [get it? other fish in the sea hardy fucking har]

Inserted halfway through the article is this linked message:
"Related: 25 Things That Keep Him Hooked and Happy"
Because, for the love of god, girls, once we have one we have got to do everything in our power to keep him! And we are also responsible for his happiness and thus, his fidelity.

Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Ladies, stop feeling so bad about the fact that you're single [even though you shouldn't be]. You don't need a man to be happy [yes you do], isn't that what every movie and book tells you all the time? [No it's not] That's why every movie ends with the girl shirking the idea that she needs a husband or boyfriend to be happy and goes off into the sunset by herself [Bridget Jones, Muriel's Wedding, 10 things I hate about you, etc.].

Most single women know how much fun it is to have their relatives ask them if there's anyone "special" in their lives, and then lamenting when you say "no." Aaww, you're too great to be by yourself, you'll find that perfect guy soon. But women never let this bother us, because we are constantly being reassured by society that it is okay to be single, so why would we ever feel sorry for ourselves?

Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.

Take it from the sexy guy from the Sex and the City Movie - this is simple enough, no man wants to date a slut. Plus, women get so attached as soon as they have sex with a guy. I can remember this time that I had sex with this guy and as I was doing it I pictured us at our wedding. When he lifted my veil in this fantasy I had an orgasm. [I lie]

Men, on the other hand, never become attached as a result of having sex with someone. Feelings and sex never go together for men, never. [not true] That is why they can have as much sex as humanly possible with many women and not even blink. But when they're looking for that special woman to settle down with, they will look to the girl who hasn't had a lot of sex. Maybe even a girl who doesn't know what a penis looks like. Inexperience is such a turn-on for them, who knows, maybe she won't know which hole it goes in. Silly, virginal women!

Another strategic link insert - See our tips: 12 Things Guys Wish You Knew in Bed
Learn everything you need to know about how to please a man, but don't practice it with too many men. You shouldn't get too good at it because no man wants a whore.

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship
Women are notorious for thinking only of themselves. We never make enough sacrifices in relationships or life. When we want something we don't compromise, we just go after it. Like with careers, for example. Kids, be damned! I'm going to work! Your father can make all the arrangements for you while I'm on my business trips around the country. Maybe I'll have a few affairs while I'm gone, but, hey, that's my business.

Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart
Men have it all together. Just do what they do when it comes to dating and we'll be fine.

Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

Good of you to remind me because I'm usually not thankful for anything. And if I'm in a relationship I need to thank my lucky stars for every day that passes that a man has decided to put up with me for an undisclosed amount of time. I could increase my chances of making that a longer amount of time by thanking him.

I feel so enlightened. I tried to make my own cheat sheet to print out but I couldn't get the whole article down to one page. It's probably because I'm a woman and I'm so bad with technology. Hopefully Yahoo will come out with a how-to for women and technology-related tasks. But knowing technology isn't going to get me closer to getting married, so that article wouldn't be worth reading.

Oh! And there were also a number of additional suggested readings at the end of the article -

More from Glamour:

* 10 Things He’s Thinking When You’re Naked
* 8 Sex Moves Every Woman Should Try Once
* Why He Hasn’t Proposed (Yet)
* The Fastest Way to Create Sparks with Your Boyfriend

I'll tell you the fastest way to create sparks with your boyfriend! Light a stick of dynamite and toss it to him, he'll toss it back and then you'll toss it back at him again. It could be like a relationship bonding experience that could bring you closer together [but also, possibly, further apart].

Read more gemstonery here.